Understanding trauma

Understanding trauma

Trauma affects everyone differently. Some people have a clear memory of what happened. Others remember it in fragments, or mainly notice the impact in their body, mood, sleep, or relationships. There is no “right” way to respond. Many trauma responses are the mind and body’s way of trying to protect you after difficult experiences that have not been fully processed.

Coping, survival responses, and keeping going

Many people learn ways to cope that help them get through day to day life. You might push feelings down, stay busy, avoid certain places or situations, or try to stay in control at all times. Some people become very independent and find it hard to rely on anyone. Others find themselves focussing on others, staying quiet, or putting their own needs last.

These actions are not personal failings. They are often survival responses. The hard part is that what helped you cope initially can start to feel exhausting, limiting, or difficult to manage later on.

Seeing trauma more clearly

Trauma does not only live in memories. It can show up in the nervous system, in sleep, and in how safe we feel. Triggers can be obvious or subtle. A smell, a tone of voice, a time of year, a medical appointment, a crowded room, or a difficult conversation can all bring about unpleasant feelings, even if you know logically that you are safe.

You may seem calm and capable to other people while feeling on edge inside. Or you might feel numb and disconnected, as if you are watching life from a distance. These experiences can be confusing, especially when they appear out of proportion to what is happening in the moment.

Common signs of trauma responses in adults can include:

• Feeling on edge, watchful, or unable to fully relax

• Being easily startled, jumpy, or reactive to sudden noise or touch

• Sleep problems, nightmares, or waking feeling tired and unsettled

• Avoiding reminders, including certain places, people, topics, or situations

• Feeling numb, disconnected, or emotionally “shut down”

• Intense emotions that rise quickly, or feeling irritated and overwhelmed

• Unwanted memories or thoughts that show up unexpectedly

• Finding it hard to trust people, feel close, or feel safe in relationships

• Feeling shame, self blame, or a sense that something is wrong with you

• Physical symptoms like tension, headaches, stomach discomfort, or a racing heart

When trauma happens repeatedly or over a long time

Some people have experienced trauma that happened repeatedly or over a long time, often within relationships or environments where they should have been safe. This can shape self esteem, identity, and how someone relates to other people. It can also affect boundaries, confidence, and the ability to feel settled.

Difficulties relating to this do not mean you are broken. It may mean your nervous system has been carrying too much for too long, often without the support you needed at the time.

Overload and exhaustion

Living with trauma can be exhausting. Many people function for a long time and then reach a point where they feel they cannot keep going in the same way. Some people describe this as burnout.

When someone is overloaded, exhausted or burnt out, they may feel:

• Mentally and physically drained

• More anxious, more reactive, or more withdrawn than usual

• Foggy, low in mood, or unable to concentrate

• More sensitive to noise, conflict, pressure, or busy environments

• Less able to manage everyday tasks or responsibilities

Overload and exhaustion can overlap with anxiety, depression, and sleep difficulties. If this feels familiar, it can be a sign you need more support and is not a sign you have failed. With the right support, many people find ways to feel safer, steadier, and more in control.