Talking about the impact of poor mental health, especially topics as emotionally charged as suicide, may never feel particularly comfortable or natural for many of us. But, with suicide being the leading cause of death in men under the age of 50 and an increasing threat to 15–24-year-olds, we cannot responsibly shy away from the conversation both as providers of mental health care and as individuals.
The theme for this year’s World Suicide Prevention Day is ‘changing the narrative’ and we wanted to offer our expertise in the form of a practical resource to support important conversations around the preventable threat of suicide. Whether you wish to speak about your own ideation or concerns with others in a way that is comfortable or wish to start a narrative with those around you safely about their own mental health, the below guide may offer some insight into how to approach the topic.
If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please contact Samaritans for urgent support or speak to your healthcare provider. You can call Samaritans for free on 116 123.
Table of contents
- Why talking about suicide matters
- Common myths about discussing suicide
- How to talk about suicide overall
- Language to use around suicide
- Tailoring the conversation to different people in your life
- Talking about your own suicidal thoughts
- How to talk about suicidal thoughts with medical professionals
- What to do if you’re concerned for someone’s safety
Why talking about suicide matters
In the UK in 2023 alone, there were 6,069 registered suicides, the highest figures since 1999. With one in five people experiencing suicidal thoughts in their life, the taboo around the subject may hide how much of a wide-spread issue suicidal ideation is for people, especially within higher risk groups such as men aged between 40 and 64-years-old, LGBTQ+ people, people with eating disorders, and those from the most deprived areas.
Alongside the risk to the individual, there is also a broader risk to those impacted by suicide of someone in their network, be it a family member, colleague, friend, or member of their community. This ripple effect further highlights the importance of prevention within communities as well as a need for proactive support where suicide has occurred. With research suggesting that open communication about suicide can be a positive first step in reducing ideation and improving mental wellbeing, the importance of these conversations is clear.
Common myths about discussing suicide
You may have concerns about talking about suicide because of commonly held misconceptions about its impact. Below are some common myths about discussions around suicide, and what we know to be true based on evidence.
Myth: Talking about suicide increases the chance a person will act on it
Research shows that talking about suicidal thoughts can reduce, not increase, the risk of a person acting on them. We have seen improvements in mental health outcomes as well as a greater willingness to seek help once conversations have been had. Not talking about suicidal ideation only further isolates the person who is struggling, which deprives them of the opportunity to feel connected to others and receive outside perspectives.
Myth: Talking about suicide is just seeking attention
One barrier to those who are having suicidal thoughts communicating about them is fear of judgement. Most people who struggle with suicidal ideation don’t communicate about it, which is concerning considering the positive impact that speaking out can have. All mentions of no longer wanting to be alive or hopelessness surrounding the future should be taken seriously and starting the conversation in a way that is supportive can help those who would otherwise not discuss their feelings to open up.
Myth: Suicide can’t be prevented
Often, people who die of suicide experience significant emotional pain and find it difficult to consider different views or see a way out of their situation. Even though the reasons for a person being suicidal can be complex and suicidal behaviour can be unpredictable, it is never a hopeless situation and intervention has measurable benefits.
Myth: It’s poor taste to ask someone about suicide
Discomfort with a subject doesn’t mean that it must be avoided. In a safe and secure environment where mental health is being discussed, it is not inappropriate to ask someone about suicidal ideation in a way that is sensitive. There are plenty of subjects where the benefit of having a hard conversation can outweigh the discomfort it causes, so this is something to consider.
How to talk about suicide overall
When engaging in a conversation around suicide, there are some general pieces of guidance we can offer to ensure you’re discussing it in a way that is safe and sensitive.
- Be direct, but kind: Use clear language (‘have you been thinking about suicide?’) without showing judgement or leading with your own emotions. Don’t approach them in a way that appears angry or panicked.
- Listen, don’t fix: Go into the conversation with the intention of making the person feel heard and understood, not with the intention of changing their mind or ‘fixing’ the issue.
- Validate emotions: Never tell someone the way they feel is wrong, even if you don’t understand it. Let them know that the way they feel is valid and that there is nothing to be ashamed of.
- Signpost support: Talk to them about the options there are for support. Ask about whether they’ve looked into help, what resources there are such as the Samaritans, and what they would do if they felt they were in immediate danger such as calling 999.
- Respect their privacy: Reassure them that their privacy matters to you and that you won’t involve others in the discussion without their permission, but remember that safety comes first. If someone is in immediate danger, it’s important to alert emergency services.
Language to use around suicide
Guidance from the suicide prevention alliance suggests the below phrasing when talking about suicide. It’s important that conversations feel natural though, so don’t feel like you need to completely adjust the way you speak to someone or use language that doesn't make sense for the context of your relationship.
| Instead of saying... | Try saying... |
|---|---|
| Committed suicide | Died by suicide |
| Completed suicide / Successful attempt | Died by suicide |
| Unsuccessful attempt | Suicide attempt |
| Suicidal person/ Suicide attempter/ Suicide ideator | Person living with thoughts of suicide |
| Dealing with suicidal crisis | Working with a person in crisis |
| Cry for help/ Suicidal gesture | (Describe actual behaviours as they are without judgement) |
While online some have started using terms to prevent content being flagged or removed such as ‘unalive’, these euphemisms have more to do with monetization and censorship than sensitivity, so we wouldn’t recommend using them instead of actual terms.
Tailoring the conversation to different people in your life
Not every conversation about suicide is going to look the same. We’d recommend speaking to a person in a way that is familiar and comfortable as a priority while maintaining sensitivity, but some general guidance on how you can tailor the conversation to different people and contexts can be found below.
Family members
- Choose a quiet, private time where you won’t be interrupted.
- Gently ask open-ended questions like, ‘You haven't seemed yourself lately, how are you feeling?’
- If you suspect suicidal thoughts, ask directly: ‘Are you thinking about suicide?’ Avoid euphemisms.
- Remain calm, even if you're shocked or emotional.
- Encourage them to speak to their GP, therapist, or a helpline.
- Offer to support them in making an appointment or attending with them.
Friends
- Start with something caring and non-judgemental: ‘I've noticed you haven't been yourself lately, want to talk?’
- If you can have the conversation in person, try to arrange meeting.
- Don’t be afraid to ask directly: ‘Have you been thinking about suicide?’
- Avoid minimising their feelings with phrases like ‘it’s not that bad’ or ‘it could be worse.’
- Stay in touch, check in again soon, and offer to help them access professional support if they need it.
Colleagues
- Ask for a private chat or invite them for a coffee if you're unsure how to bring it up.
- Express care without assumptions: ‘You’ve seemed a bit off lately, how are you doing?’
- Share something from your own experience (if appropriate) to reduce stigma and encourage openness.
- Respect boundaries: Some may not want to discuss mental health at work.
- Know how to escalate concerns safely, e.g. by speaking to HR or a mental health first aider.
Talking about your own suicidal thoughts
If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please contact Samaritans for urgent support or speak to your healthcare provider. You can call Samaritans for free on 116 123.
When talking about your own thoughts of suicide, consider the following:
- Choose someone who has shown they care and listen well and who you feel comfortable with.
- You don’t need to disclose everything. You may go into more detail with friends or family than with a colleague and that’s your choice.
- Let them know you need to talk and ask if they have time to listen.
- Create a comfortable environment for both of you where you won’t be interrupted.
- Let them know you're not expecting them to have all the answers or for them to be able to fix anything.
- Provide specific ways they can support you, whether that’s listening, distracting you, or helping you reach out for support.
- If speaking to a colleague, you can ask about mental health policies, EAPs (Employee Assistance Programmes), or flexible working.
If you’re struggling to put your feelings into words, some ways to express the thoughts you’ve been having are:
- ‘I’ve been feeling really low and overwhelmed. Sometimes I’ve had thoughts about not wanting to be here.’
- ‘I’m struggling with my feelings about the future and feel lost. I don’t see a way of moving forward with life and I think I need support.’
- ‘I’ve been having thoughts about hurting myself. I don’t want to feel this way, but I need help.’
- ‘I’m scared by some of the thoughts I’ve been having, I’ve been thinking about suicide and I don’t know what to do.’
- ‘I don’t feel safe with myself right now. I keep having thoughts that I can’t keep going on with life.’
How to talk about suicidal thoughts with medical professionals
GPs, therapists, and crisis teams are trained to support you, but many people feel nervous speaking to them for the first time. Below are some examples of ways you can feel more prepared and get your point across.
- Write down how you’re feeling, including any thoughts of suicide, beforehand to help you stay focused.
- Let the clinician know the purpose of the visit in advance.
- Be honest and direct: ‘I’ve been having thoughts about ending my life.’
- Describe frequency, intensity, and whether you’ve made any plans.
- Ask about your treatment options: therapy, medication, crisis support, etc.
- Bring a trusted person with you if you’re nervous.
- If you feel dismissed, ask to speak to another doctor or request a mental health referral.
What to do if you’re concerned for someone’s safety
If you're concerned for someone's safety, it's important to take their feelings seriously and act with care. If they’ve expressed suicidal thoughts or you're worried they may be at risk, stay with them (or stay in close contact if you're not physically present) and encourage them to speak to a professional. You can help them contact their GP, call a mental health crisis line like Samaritans (116 123), or go to A&E if the risk is immediate.
Ask them directly if they’re thinking about suicide. It won’t put the idea in their head, but it can be a vital first step to keeping them safe. Reassure them they’re not a burden, and let them know you’re there to support them in seeking help. If you're ever unsure, trust your instincts and don’t hesitate to reach out to emergency services for guidance.
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